Bring Back America

All presidents get to use Air Force One, but you can tell a lot about a man by the mode of transportation he chooses to get around when he’s not on Air Force One.

Find out which President had the coolest ride here.

I’m sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and
Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln? You might be surprised.

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and B. H. Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois .

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the
Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers’ money on personal enjoyments. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer.

13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer

14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer

This is a Racism Test…..

Be sure not to miss the Uncle Charlie’s birthday bash. Party gifts will include: a Panama hat, a 2011 Turbo-Tax Gold Edition and a Get Out of Jail Free pass.

Call 212-862-4990 for details

Today’s the big day. Chelsea and the soon-to-be Mr. Chelsea Clinton will tie the knot. Bubba will crack out his favorite cigars and the Vanity Fair staff anxiously awaits a viewing of Hillary’s custom made Jessica McClintock pants suit, made specially for this occasion. This thing is so big, Rhinebeck, N.Y is now a no-fly zone. No Bill, That doesn’t mean you get to keep your zipper down.

The groom, a Private Wealth Management associate is the child of not one, but two former congress-members. He and Chelsea have known each other since her awkward-looking teen days. The story is almost as fascinating as Love Story, which was based on the life of Al and Tipper Gore, who won’t be attending. Guests are encouraged to not gift the couple any spa vacations.

And speaking of guests, there will be one conspicuously uninvited missing guest, our ruler Barack Obama. Looks like the wedding couple’s DVD box-set of Great Moments in the Life of A Marxist President will be arriving in the mail. Too bad, I was looking forward to the glamorous outfit Michelle would have worn to the affair. Mama Clinton must not have wanted Chelsea to be overshadowed by the beautiful and glamorous first lady.

I won’t be able to attend the wedding. And that’s a bummer. I was looking forward to the vegan wedding cake and rubbing elbows with Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, Ted Turner and about 500 other leftist America haters. I’ll have to catch up with them at the funeral when Fidel finally dies.

The cost of this affair could be upwards of $5 million. Flowers alone were $250,0000. Funny but not too long ago Mrs. Bill Clinton was in the Ukraine and delivered this message: “It’s important, too, that we look at how to promote broadly-based prosperity. One of the problems in societies around the world today is that too much of the productivity of the economies are going to too few. Too few people, the political and economic elite, are realizing the vast majority of benefits from economic activity. It’s true in my own country where,unfortunately, economic inequality is increasing. And it’s true in Ukraine. It’s true in Europe and Asia and Africa and South America. So part of the challenge of economic growth and prosperity is to make sure it gets down and equally spread among people.” And to prove she’s not a hypocrite, Hillary will be serving leftover wedding cake at the Rhinebeck food bank after the affair.* In addition to that, the tent will be donated to shelter the homeless in one of the finer tent cities going up across the country. No one should ever question the generosity of the Clintons.

*We have learned that Michelle Obama was invited to serve wedding cake at the Rhinebeck food bank with Mrs. Bill Clinton. But she was unable to find a new pair of $800 food-serving sneakers and was angered that the TV cameras will be gone by that time. So the first lady declined. Joe Bite Me will be filling in instead,  Amtrak schedule permitting.

Join the first lady in sending Chairman Obama a Happy Birthday card to celebrate his 49th birthday.

Is Hillary trying to tell us something with her newest hairdo? Or is it just coincidence that the US Secretary of State has chosen a look almost identical to that of her country’s first constitutional president, George Washington? (Read more)

OOPS, THAT’S NOT THE LOOK!